Getting A Coffee Is Likely To Kill You… Mainland Spain, Spain

No, really. Ordering coffee in Spain is a matter of taking your life into your hands. Why? Because you just don’t know what you’re going to get. In Spain, there are various different sizes, temperatures, strengths and flavours of coffee, ALL with different names. 
To make matters worse, what you once knew as a Cappuccino, is very much not a Cappuccino in Mainland Spain. Here is a post on Spanish coffee



Apart from the photo above, I have had to source photos from the internet. Consuming this amount of coffee would not only be expensive but I’m pretty sure I would also shit myself.

Let’s begin where coffee first started to pose real problems for us.

The Cappuccino

THIS, is what happens to the Cappuccino in Spain [Borrowed from nespresso.com]

As I have already touched upon, the Cappuccino does not exist in Mainland Spain in the form that it does across the rest of Europe. Considering it’s an Italian drink, I can only assume that Spain is just getting it God damn wrong. Spain (and some of it’s Scottish residents) are under the false illusion that a Cappuccino is an Americano topped with squirty cream. Yep.

It was a Spanish Cappuccino in an opaque coffee cup that tricked Mike and burnt him alive. He was expecting the classic foamy Cappuccino and instead endured scalding hot coffee. He now has a Handle Bar Moustache shaped scar on his face. Be warned.

The Solo

The Solo [Borrowed from Kaffee-freun.de]

…is an Espresso with a new, fancy pants Spanish name.

The Café Con Leche

The fancy Café Con Leche [Borrowed from Onlyfatrabbit.com]

Translated as “coffee with milk” you would assume this was like your normal coffee back home. Wrong! The Café Con Leche resembles more of a Latte… with more coffee. It is in fact a Solo (or Espresso) topped with milk. It should really work out about half of each.

The Cortado

The stupid Cortado [Borrowed from Alexandra Guerson on Flickriver]

An Espresso, served in a little coffee glass topped with a dash of hot milk. BUT everyone asks for different things and before you know it, one table of two people want one hot Cortado, two cold ones and one medium temperature (that will probably still be too hot). The size of it makes all this fuss a waste of time, hence why I know it as “The Stupid Cortado.”

The Americano

The Americano, originally made for the Americans who can’t handle Espressos [Borrowed from nvtc.ee]

Is actually… the Americano! YAY. It’s exactly the same as back home and in turn is the safest option. You can order, “uno Americano y leche, por favor,” and hopefully you will get something that resembles a normal cup of coffee.

The Café Bombon

THE BA BA BOMBON [Borrowed from Wikimedia Commons]

Admittedly, these look amazing and I would probably love them. As an English waitress I had no idea how to make these and taking an order from twelve people in Spanish was hard enough as it was without adding the Bombon to the mix.

I discovered on this occasion though, that the Bombon is made up of a shot of coffee and condensed milk and is supposed to be incredibly sweet. Sounds like my kinda coffee.

The Café Carajillo

The sophisticated way to do a shot… The Café Carajillo [Borrowed from comabien.es]

The Carajillo is a liquor coffee, but not as we know it. I made the mistake of once making a proper liquor coffee for a gent who came in, complete with a Spanish shot (read: MASSIVE shot) of Baileys and topped with a full cup of coffee.

The Café Carajillo is traditionally just a shot of coffee with a splash of brandy, whiskey or rum. Needless to say, the restaurant lost a fair amount of Baileys that night, but Mike got a free drink, so all’s well that ends well.

The Café Sombra or Café Manchado
The coffee for people that don’t like coffee. It’s just hot milk, with a splash of coffee. Everyone always asks for more coffee and ends up with a normal English Latte. Plebs.

The Café Con Hielo

The refreshing Iced Coffee [Borrowed from icedcoffeerecipe.com]

The Iced Coffee is probably the only good thing to be created by the Spanish Coffee police. I have a daily Café Con Hielo (translated as “coffee with ice”) loaded with sugar. It’s refreshing and almost like a coffee flavoured milkshake. What’s not to love?

The Unwanted Presence of Advocaat

Advocaat. EUGH! [Borrowed from gettyimages.es]

My last note on the subject of coffee in Spain is the delivery of Advocaat topped with whipped cream whenever you order a coffee. I was told this was a traditional “Spanish” thing to do, however I’ve only seen it carried out in one place.

And that’s an American Diner in Salou.

I like the idea of it and the presentation, but Advocaat? Eugh! I suppose it would take the taste of coffee away, which is it’s mission in life.

Thanks very much for reading about our coffee suffering. If you can take anything away from this post, please do and let me know. At least you have been warned of the nature of Cappuccinos.
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